i used to do this on a piece of paper, but since i discover the world of blogging, i thought: hey y not see what other thinks of what i have in my head?
i think blogs should be equalized as any other journalistic approach. I mean come on! we write articles, stories, things that happened. Some brilliant bloggers use their blogs to report news, or travels or anythings else... how is it different than journalism?
Well it's a thought... the reason i started rambling at the first place is because i could feel my mortal enemy lurking back into my mind and heart... JEALOUSY!
I try to remember when was the first time i ever felt jealous.. n im not talking about 'she stole my bf' kinda jealous, but jealous because i realize or thought that the other person is better than me.
i guess the first person i remember being jealous about is my sister. She seems to have accomplished everything i wanted to do and is so fucking amazing tht i cnt help but to sometimes hate her. Ah well thinking about this makes my heart beat goes faster and i know if i continue analyzing about this i will start feeling low and worth-less.
so moving on, why suddenly today i feel that enemy of mind lurking in my heart again? well for starters somehow i got reminded how the guy i love chose another gal.. oh n what makes it worse, she is fantastic! i cnt even bitch about her if it isnt a lie. well anyways, whats done is done... so i try letting it go.
Then as the devil lurks in facebook.. when i opened my profile i saw something that made me jealous even worse than the fact i mentioned above. I have always loved writing and it has been my passion since i was just a tiny kid. I rem sitting in the first grade writing short stories and sharing it with my bench buddy "wira" who wud also write a short story and share it with me. That was the first time i realized i loved writing... so i kept on writing an writing and writing and kept dreaming of publishing a novel in the future..
Writing is my passion! i didn't follow anyone or even had a role model for it. I just took a pen and started noting down all the imaginations i had.
As i grow up along with stories, i write blogs, poems, little pieces of thoughts and maybe not many people liked it or followed it but tht one person did and encouraged me and i wrote more.
Anyhow.... today some1 came up to me on fb and said 'i read some of ur notes... u write pretty well, u wanna be like ----- ya?" ---- is a friend of ours from the same society who i recalled started writing or created a blog (in friendster at tht time) months after i did!
And perhaps even ---- started writing very young or whatever... but honestly y was i compared to ----
it annoys me! and further more the friend who asked me that continued with '---- writes so good, ---- should publish a book. You too should publish a book together'
perhaps it was my bias towards ---- or maybe i jz didn't like the material that --- keep on discussing, i think --- writings aren't as interesting and i noticed that --- kept on repeating same topics or same core since years ago.
I realized this coz i used to be so interested in reading ----'s notes/blogs and now they dun excite me anymore, it was more like of a 'eeeehhh what's new' feeling..
i take tht as a sign tht i hv evolved and --- hasn't n thus what --- thinks or writes dun match with my thoughts any more coz--- kept circling on the same drain again and again and again..
well i know there is no point of this particular post, so i apologize to those of u who have read it till the end and realized it was a waste of time.
before i end just one more thing... i think the most dangerous vice is jealousy.... man how it plays in my head and leave me restless while the other person is probably sleeping peacefully knowing nothnih
Peace out!
-RandoMind-
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