Halloween Special

GROSS REALITY TESTING ABILITY IMPAIRMENT

I was walking down the hospital's corridor when I saw him, a little boy sitting
alone on a bench in the waiting room front of the doctor's office. I looked at
the sign, it was child's psychiatry clinic. I smiled. In these years of Clinical
internship I have developed a certain interest in Psychiatry and in children. I
love to hear how a child thinks and how a so called 'crazy' person thinks. They
are both different from us, the routine following normal boring people. I love
the fact that their view of the world is completely different and I love
listening to it.

I didn't have any important schedule that afternoon, so i decided to sit next to
this small boy, perhaps i could get him talking. He was wearing a white polo shirt with knee length blue jeans. He had a baseball cap on and he was looking down, the shadow of his cap made it impossible for me to see his face.

"Hey" I said, taking a seat next to him.

"Hey" he murmured without looking up.

"What's ur name?" I asked. He kept quiet and shook his head.

"Who did you come with?" I asked again, trying another question perhaps he would wanna answer.

"Mommy.." he answered shortly.

"Where is she?"

"Busy" Again another one word answer. He was still not looking up to see who he was talking to.

"Have you come to see the doctor?" I asked, yet again trying to get him to converse. There was something about him that intrigued me. Flashes of bits of memory crossed my head, they weren't clear and i ignored it.

The small boy nodded without a word.

"Do you know why have u come to see the doctor?"

"Cause i'm sick..." he said

"I see..."

"I'm sick in here u see..." He pointed a finger to his temple and looked at me for a second before he stared back at the floor.

I caught a glimpse of his face, my head hurt.. Flashes of memories were now filling up my head. I closed my eyes tight to get rid of them.

"What makes you say that?" for God knows what reason, my mouth blurted out that question without the approval of my brain.

"Mommy said so.." he said. This time his voice was a little bit cheerful, or was it jz my imagination? I could see from the side of his face that a smile was curling up.

The pain in my head was now stabbing at a constant rate to my brain. I pressed my fingertips to each side of my temple and closed my eyes tight again, in hope to get rid of the pain.

Flashes of memories were playing behind my eye lids... I couldn't figure out wat they are, but there was a boy...

"Mommy!" the boy in my memory called out. His voice annoyed me. Stop calling me mommy... I thought.

"Why... urgh.. why did she say that?" I wondered quietly while my eyes were still closed. But the little boy must have heard it coz his voice were filling my ears with his answer.

"I'm a bad boy.. mommy said so. I made mommy cry and scream, I spoil things, Mommy said i was a curse, Mommy said i shouldn't be born. I tried to be a good boy... I don't wanna see mommy cry, but she still does and she screams at me even though i've been quiet and still.."

The pain in my head was radiating... i can't stand it i want it to stop... I want him to stop talking but he continued. My mouth moved as i wanted to stop him but no voice come out.

"But I try... I try to be a good boy. I wan mommy to love me, to hug me..." he said and tapped on my hand calling me. For a moment the pain vanished, i open my eyes and looked at him, he was staring right back at me, there was an eerie smile on his face.

"Why won't mommy hug me? I've been a good boy..." his little lips moved as those words filled my head with its echos.

Flashes filled my brain in red; of a boy crying.. some1 was slapping him... Why is she doing that? The small boy hit the wall behind him and she didn't stop hitting him. He was bleeding, he didn't move anymore, but she was still screaming at him and beating him. Why is she doing that? somebody stop her... y isn't any1 helping the boy?

"Mommy?" That voice again. The boy in front of me was smiling at me and spread his arms out as though he wanted me to hug him. And in a flash of a second he started seizing and fell down the bench. I reached him and held him sideways as we were all thought to handle a seizing patient. He was having a convulsion and his foam started to form in his mouth.

"Somebody help! Diazepam 5 mg STAT!" I shouted. It was after all a psychiatry clinic, they must have emergency medicines like muscle relaxant to calm patients down.

I saw two male nurses walking towards us.

"Quickly!!! this boy is seizing!" i said frantically

As they were approaching, i felt tears run down my face. There were terror, sadness and regrets building up inside me. As they came close i reached out to get the diazepam sup, but the didn't hand it to me. Instead one of them held my hands tightly.

"What are you doing? This boy needs help. I'm a doctor! Just give me the medicine!!" I screamed frantically and kicking the floors as the male nurse tried to pull me up. "Stop this! let me go!" I screamed again.

And at that moment the other nurse had stabbed my thigh with something, and as my consciousness began to blur, i assumed it was a strong tranquilizer.

Everything went black.

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As i blinked to adjust my eyes to the bright light, I could hear people talking not far away from where i was.

I realized i was on a bed in a room with white ceilings and walls. It was at day i realized when i saw the sun light entering through a small window at the end of the room. The room seems familiar, it felt familiar. It was one of the joined rooms in the psych ward.

Things seems to not make sense. Why am i on a bed in the psych ward. I tried to move but my body was stiff, or was i still weak from the dose of tranquilizer i was given. I tried to focus until i could hear more clearly.

A woman was talking in a narrative tone.

"Patient Sania, 39 years old, admitted 1 week ago.." she said. She was talking about me. And i realize this was ward round, she was an intern or resident reporting my case.

My case? I don't have a case... I'm not a patient, i'm an intern!! n i'm 23 years old not 39.

"She was diagnosed with Major depressive disorder 15 years ago which started off as post partum depression that wasn't managed well 20 years ago after givi9ng birth to a fatherless baby." She started her report. Next she would tell the live story of the patient. I listen closely. Me? Post partum depression? Can't be, I never gave birth, I'm still an second year intern, i'm only 20 years old not 39. There must be another patient with same name as mine. This must be her case.

"15 years ago, Patient was an intern starting her 3rd year when she was diagnosed after having her 5 years old son accidentally killed. Patient was a single mother, gave birth 20 years ago, when she was 18 in the middle of her second year of medical school and went into post partum depression right after, diagnosed in this hospital 3 months after she gave birth and treated for it with (drug name) and psychotherapy. There was no support system. The father of the baby, her long time lover had bailed and her parents were still dealing with their divorce at that time to focus on her.

"Struggling with medical school and a new born baby, her post partum depression wasn't managed well, which is suspected to have had led to a depressive disorder. 15 years ago, she had beaten her son to death and admitted to the psych ward with pscyhotic symptoms. All the while patient denied she had a child or even killed him. Later, after a series of mental testing, she was diagnosed with major depressive disorder with symptoms of psychosis.

"Patient underwent a series of medication and psychotherapy and two consecutive electro convulsive therapy (ECT). And had been in and out the psych ward since then.

"A week ago, patient had an episode of anger and was harmful to herself and others and was admitted by her family. Patients still undergoes anti depressive and anti psychosis treatment (Dug name and dosage).

"Two days ago patient was found screaming uncontrollably about a boy in the common room and was given a dose of Haloperidol and patient had been under since."

She completed her report...

My head was spinning... Flashes of memory started to fill my head again, The small boy's voice calling "mommy" echoed. The pain was back..

"That was good, but a couple of corrections... when reporting a patient you should do it chronologically, not jumping up and down..." A stronger male voice was saying, he must be the attending teaching the young intern..

His voice went slower as it was drown in a loud shriek... i felt strong arms on mine again and another stab on my thigh.

Y r they sedating me again? It wasn't me screaming..... or was it?

And once again everything was black.

~Fin~